Parodiopolis University Continuing Education Program

Parodiopolis University Continuing Education Program

Post By

Visionary
Tue Oct 28, 2003 at 11:54:52 am EST

In Reply To
Visionary, could you possibly repost your Parodiopolis U Prospectus again? My copy is corrupted..

HH
Tue Oct 28, 2003 at 11:46:55 am EST

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Parodiopolis University Continuing Education Program
Professional Development Courses

Vigilante Criminal Justice
(Occupational Certificate)
Behavioral, Social and Economic Sciences Division

Academy Director:
Visionary, Ext. 6375

Associate Academy Director:
Lisa L. Waltz, Ext. 6969

Academic Advisors:
Cheryl, Ext. 6313
Fleabot, Ext. 6598

Non-Majors: Students do not have to be Criminal Justice majors to enroll in Criminal Justice courses.

Course offerings:
Criminal Justice courses are offered once per school year.

Program Description:
This program is concerned with:
(1) The concept of vigilante justice--its implications, its practice, and its demands in relation to the social, political, legal and economic institutions that define our society.
(2) The concept of how to humanely deal with those who come in contact with this aspect of the justice system.
(3) Educating and training self-appointed civilian peace officers to think clearly and act wisely in their profession.

Program Objective:
To provide prospective civilian peace officers with the opportunity to acquire basic academic knowledge and basic technical skills to enter their professional work assignments. Therefore, the academy is oriented toward academic stress, mental stress and technical proficiency.

Student Workload:
Students will be expected to study a minimum of 45 hours per week outside of the classroom and to ferret out that knowledge necessary to successfully complete this academy.

College Credit: Success in the Academy leads to a "certificate of completion" and 54.5 quarter college credits.

Assessment Guidelines: See a Vigilante Criminal Justice advisor.

Application/Registration Information: Must consult with the Associate Academy Director.

Courses:

VCE 0701 Violence 101: Beginning Whomping
Prerequisites: None
Villains art a cowardly, superstitious lot. But often they needs must be whomped upside the head. This class covers the very basics of whomping, smiting, and general maiming. Lectures are specially appropriate for those just starting into the field of violence.
Time: TH; 9:00 pm-11:30 pm
Instructor: Donar Oldmanson
Location: Freely's Drafthouse, 1873 College Ave.
Tuition: $218

VCE 0702 Violence 102: Advanced Whomping
Prerequisites: Violence 101, or equal experience (*per instructor's approval)
Aye, some villains dost thou the favor of not running and cowering, nor staying down 'pon the first smite. This class covers more refined arts of violence, including the use of tools and implements in applying said whomping, from bar stools to warhammers. Edged weapons art for sissies with little personal stamina.
Time: F; 9:00 pm-11:30 pm
Instructor: Donar Oldmanson
Location: Satan's Armpit Bar & Lounge, 117 St. Route 5
Tuition: $218

VCE 0712 Vigilante Ethics 101
Prerequisites: None
This course covers the basic ethical dilemmas faced by vigilantes today. From peeking beneath an unconscious ally's mask to sleeping with the damsel in distress or bribing city officials to overlook excessive force and/or property damage, thorny issues abound for today's costumed crimefighters. Class lab will focus on the ethics of hero/sidekick relationships via Instructor/student role-playing.
Time: M; 7:00pm-9:00 pm
Instructor: Lisa Waltz
Location: Motel 5 conference hall and room #214
Tuition: $400

VCE 0721 Vigilante Etiquette
Prerequisites: None
Who has the right-of-way in a team-up situation? What is proper attire for a fellow hero's funeral when one's costume is brightly colored? Is it impolite to stare when the female villain is wearing a thong? Avoid embarrassing crossover situations with this all-inclusive course.
Time: M; 5:00pm-6:30 pm
Instructor: The Lady Cheryl, Duchess of Lake Superior
Location: Angel Hall tearoom
Tuiton: $150, plus expenses.

VCE 0725 Costume Design
Prerequisites: Color Theory
Whether you are being cheerful and friendly, or scary and cute, you are needing to be in proper costume. This course helps ensure that one picks the best theme for one's costume, from happy woodland animals to happy symbols to be fearing. The use of color or basic blacks is to be examined, as well as the effects of masks on overall cuteness.
Time: Th; 8:00pm-10:00pm
Instructor: Yo Being
Location: Victor M. Mannly Memorial Hall sewing center
Tuition: $128

VCE 0730 Tactics 101
Prerequisites: None
This course examines a number of common hero/villain confrontations and walks the students through the various courses of action open to them. Emphasis on talking, running and hiding, as well as having big friends.
Time: T; 6:00pm-8:00pm
Instructor: Visionary
Location: HALLIE computer labs
Tuition: $58

VCE 0750 Improbable Engineering 101: Utility Belts to Stun Guns
Prerequisites: Degrees in Electrical, Mechanical, Chemical and Nuclear Engineering, or similar experience, Decontamination Procedures 101, Adequate Health Insurance.
The rapidly growing need for advanced tools to combat crime is examined here. Students will learn the principle behind non-lethal pocket sized molecular discohesion enablers, and how unified translocation wave emitters can be utilized in the creation of micronic single energy-celled incapacitation gear. Focus will be on laboratory work, and students graded on their class projects. If they thought you mad in the rest of the University, then this is the class for you.
Time: Sat; 10:00am-5:00pm
Instructor: NTU-150
Location: Bursley Bldg, sub sub sub basement vault 315
Tuition: $350 plus supplies (including belt)

VCE 0761 Quantum Paradox 101
Prerequisite: None, though Aspirin is strongly suggested.
The purpose of this course is to examine the hazards of modern time-travel, from accidentally killing your own grandmother to leaving the earth doomed to enslavement by machines. The pros and cons of various situations are debated, including an intensive look at sending one's offspring to be raised in the future. This class is considered a prerequisite for Retcon Avoidance 101.
Time: F; 18:00:00pm-18:00:01pm
Instructor: Fleabot
Location: Vlogstrukk Particle Acceleration Sphere, Lab Room 02.
Tuition: $200

VCE 0790 Independent Study
Prerequisite: Violence 102, Emergency Alert Bracelet.
Time: Sat; 12:00 am-?
Location: Hell's Bathroom, Gothametropolis York (Corner of Ellis & Ennis)
Tuition: (Best not to have too much cash on you).

Visionary put the college course guide down with a sigh and grabbed the bottle of Pepto Bismol that he kept in his top desk drawer for just such occasions. "How could this happen? We're supposed to be retired!" he whined plaintively, taking a long draw off the bottle of thick, pink antacid. "And before all this I didn't even know Parodiopolis had a university. Do they have a football team, at least?"

"The Fighting Muskrats" Lisa confirmed. "I think it's because the Captain and Tennille are alumni."

Visionary thought on that. "Are they the ones that fought the Scarlet Saboteur and the Axis Accomplice back in WWII?"

"Yeah, something like that." Fleabot said, rolling his eyes as he jumped up onto the desk to join them. "Anyway, no use crying about it now... we knew we couldn't get away with doing nothing forever."

"We did? Dammit! Nobody tells me anything..." the possibly fake man grumbled, eyes returning to the catalog. He was pretty sure he would achieve a full-blown ulcer by the first day of classes. His eyes widened as he noticed something new. "Hey! How come I'm the 'Academy Director'? I didn't agree to that!"

"Huh..." Lisa said noncommittally, leaning over his shoulder to take a look. "Must be a typo. Honest. I wouldn't worry... I mean, look at that Charles Xavier guy. He doesn't have to do anything but sit around while his students get the crap kicked out of them. It's a pretty cushy gig."

Visionary had to confess to himself that this did in fact align with his own memories of school... mostly gym class. But then, he supposed some students were more popular than he was. It would explain why they took less blows to the head during 'dodge ball' Wednesdays.

"Besides, most of the hard work is already done" Fleabot added helpfully. "And the University is delighted with the turn-out so far. Why, Troia's class alone has a waiting list a mile long. I believe she's waiting outside to thank you personally for doing the write up. She had a large cinder block with her."

"Um... yeah... I swear the printer must have left out a vital word or two" Visionary professed pathetically. "I pretty much transcribed exactly what she said."

Lisa snatched up the course catalog and skimmed through it, then had to bite back a smirk. She read aloud:

"VCE 0708 Thrusting and Penetration
Prerequisites: Instructor's approval
Learn the secrets of thrusting favored by generations of Amazons from a former tribe member herself. We will cover the techniques of handling pole arms of various lengths. Emphasis will be on stamina as well as skill. Final grade based upon one-on-one performance with instructor. Students are required to bring proper protection, and are expected to practice 10 hours a week outside of class."

There was an audible "thunk" as the Academy Director's head sank miserably to the desktop.

"Well" Lisa said judiciously, tapping her finger to her lips. "We obviously should have charged more for that course."

"Things can't get any worse, can they?"

"Not unless you count the guest lecture that CSFB was inspired to do after reading about Troia's class" Fleabot added cheerfully.

"Wait... what?" Visionary asked, not bothering to raise his head from the desk. The wood was oddly reassuring in its solidity. Besides, Fleabot, being a speck on his desk blotter, was easier to focus on at that range. "About the guest lectures, I mean... I'm really not ready to hear about CSFB's topic."

"We needed to offer a few more credit hours" the micro-robot explained. "Cheryl thought she could guilt various established heroes to come in for a lecture course. Big name experience from the field... that kind of thing. The Dean of the University thought it might add prestige to the school."

"I gather the Dean doesn't get out much, does he?" Lisa suggested wryly.

Fleabot shrugged, a gesture barely visible. "I figure he's either clueless or desperate... which seems to be the motto of the University in general."

Visionary tried to imagine that written in Latin over the entrance to the University Alumni Center. "So we should fit right in."

"Indubitably."

"Look Vizh," Lisa began, resting a hand consolingly on his shoulder, "the University wants us because it needs all the attention it can get. Being the first accredited school to offer a super-type program will be good for some press... at least, Cheryl has them convinced it will. The authorities are behind the idea because it gives all of the wanna-be kooks running around in spandex a place to go for training, and, more importantly, supervision. The students want us because, well... I suppose they're really not all that bright. Honestly, there's nothing to worry about... it's a perfect set up."

"That's what you said about retirement!"

"Yeah, well... Roll with the punches here, Vizh" the Associate Academic Director suggested. "It's what you're good at."

Visionary rubbed his jaw sullenly. "Fine, fine... I guess you're both right. I've just got to think positively."

Cheryl popped her head in the doorway. "Hello all" she said cheerfully. "I'm just back from the Dean's office with these!" She brandished a thick file folder stamped 'Registration Dept.' "Want to take a first look at our applicants?"

Visionary took a deep breath then quickly drained the remaining Pepto.

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